A Guide To Caring For Your Aging Parents, Your Kids, and Yourself

If you find yourself taking care of both your own children and your aging parents, know that you're not alone. Today, there are more than 46 million adults over the age of 65 in the United States and that number is supposed to grow to almost 90 million by 2050. With the aging of the baby boomers, there are more people than ever before taking care of their older parents. Although there are options to help manage the burden, many of these individuals want to maintain their independence, making it challenging to provide adequate care. These tips can help provide you with a framework for providing assistance.

Take Note Of Your Parents' Needs

Caring for a parent can seem overwhelming, but it may be helpful to figure out first what exactly they need. Some of the key things that every person needs are safety, medical needs, mobility, hygiene, meals, and social interaction. You can write down a basic list and decide how much the parent is getting in each area. How much help do your aging parents need in order to stay safe and healthy? For example, a parent who is mostly independent but needs help with hygiene and meals may need just a few hours of help every day. However, a parent with dementia may have more complex safety and medical needs which could require an in-home caregiver or having the parent placed in assisted living. Write down all of these needs so that you can start to figure out what services are needed.

Consider Your Own Needs and Abilities

Everyone is at a different place in their lives, so you need to think about your own abilities when it comes to caring for aging parents. If you have children, especially younger children, you may not have the time or resources that you need to provide much assistance. You also need to think about your own health, proximity to your parents, and the relationship that you have with them.

Once you've considered what you need in order to manage your own life and childcare needs, determine how much time you can spend on caregiving and what resources you can provide. For example, you may have limited time but be able to provide pre-cooked meals once a week to your parents. Once you've determined your own abilities, subtract those from your parents' needs and you'll find the gaps in care. This can be used to make additional steps.

Communicate With Your Parents

If your parents are able to be a part of the conversation, this is where you can and should get them involved. No one wants to lose control of their own life, which is why it's important to have them making the key decisions. Don't be surprised if they are resistant to having these conversations. It may take a few tries to successfully get some answers. If they're not in immediate danger, try not to force changes too quickly.

If you can have a conversation, ask your parents to set up a time when you can discuss their health and wellness needs. They'll be prepared if you give them some advance notice. Review each of their needs and whether you can or can't provide assistance. This is also a good time to review their finances with them. If they have the resources to hire caregivers, then they may be able to have more options for independence. However, if their needs are complex and they require a much more supportive environment, have the discussion about your options for this.

Reach Out If You Need Help

If you're having trouble navigating your options, then a geriatric care manager is a great resource. They can speak with both you and the parents and manage all aspects of caring for your parents. Their experience is a great resource. Your doctor's office may have information or you can reach out to an area agency on aging who can connect you to one of these professionals. They'll help you review options and discuss how to best meet your parents needs.

Finally, try to be patient through the process. If your parents are realistic, then they will likely be able to accept support, but it won't be easy for them. Get resources involved as needed and develop a plan that they buy into in order to help make decisions. Once you've got a plan in place that meets your parents' and your own needs, you'll be much more likely to navigate your busy schedule.