Recognizing When Aging Loved Ones Could Use a Mental Health Professional

Recognizing the signs of mental distress in any loved one requires careful attention to detail. The signs are subtle—often internal. To determine when an aging loved one would benefit from the help of a mental health professional, you need to:

• Listen actively when they are speaking.
• Ask them candid questions.
• Be receptive to what they say.

It’s important to remember that aging loved ones want just as much autonomy when it comes to their health as you do. In this article, we take a look at ways you can be a partner in your elderly loved one’s mental health journey.

Common Pain Points Elderly People Encounter

Older people grew up in a very different era of mental health care and consideration. The conversation around mental health has evolved dramatically over seventy years. The modern understanding of what it even means to be struggling with your mental health is just that: modern.

Where once mental illness was a stigmatized category of human behavior best concealed and kept to the side, it is now something that more than 25% of Americans admit to. The definition is broader than you or your loved one might immediately assume. While psychotic conditions do fall under the broad umbrella of mental health concerns, so do stress, anxiety, and depression.

These three conditions are particularly common among aging adults. Your loved one is going through a dramatic transition. For thirty, forty, fifty years, they have made all of their choices for themselves. As their physical and cognitive health declines, they begin to lose autonomy.

That’s difficult for many people to accept. Other mental health challenges include:

• Social isolation: Social isolation begins earlier than many people assume. It’s easy to assign this characteristic to an eighty-year-old widow who has lived alone for fifteen years. What about a 65-year-old who just retired and realized that they don’t have people to spend time with during the day? What about a 70-year-old who buries their last close friend? The older people get, the more their social circles tend to shrink.
• Aches and pains: Arthritis and other chronic pain conditions become more common the older people get. These conditions can have a big influence on the sufferer’s quality of life. They can also change what physical activities are achievable. Where once a person may have gone on daily runs, they are now lucky if they can get to their mailbox without significant discomfort.
• Facing their own mortality: Finally, senior citizens must actively engage with the idea of their own deaths in a way that the rest of the population often does not. Thoughts of one’s own mortality can lead to depression, anxiety, and insomnia.

Older people are at high risk for many of the conditions that can lead to mental health concerns. How can you recognize the signs in your loved ones?

Practice Active Listening

Active listening is simply the practice of paying close attention to what the other person is saying. So often conversation involves two people bouncing thoughtless truisms off of each other. Eavesdrop the next time you hear two people making small talk at a coffee shop. You’ll hear a whole bunch of people talking about road construction, weather, and lines at the grocery store. What you won’t hear are carefully thought-out questions and responses.

Active listening is about more than processing what the other person says. It’s also about paying attention to their body language. Their facial expression. Their tone of voice. It requires you to ask follow-up questions and avoid talking over the person.

This can take practice but if you master the skill you will gain insights into your aging loved one’s life that will paint a clearer picture of what they are going through.

Ask Candid Questions

If you aren’t sure how your loved one feels, the best thing you can do is simply to ask them. This, of course, is easier said than done. There’s a reason people talk about the weather. Real conversations are awkward and difficult.

This is particularly true if asking a personal question represents a significant departure from how you and your aging loved one typically converse. Push through the discomfort. In many cases, you will find that the other person is appreciative of the chance to talk about how they feel.

Even if they aren’t, it’s important to try your best anyway.

Accept What They Say

Ultimately, it’s not always your job to make choices for your aging loved one. Allow them as much autonomy as is appropriate for the situation. If they would like to seek assistance with their mental health, connect them with the resources to accomplish that. If they aren’t ready, don’t force the matter.

 There are, of course, scenarios where giving your loved one autonomy is not an option. If you have a custodial responsibility for the person in question, you may connect them with support resources at your own discretion.

What’s Next?

If your loved one is ready to get help, it’s time to look into what resources are available in your community. Some hospitals or healthcare clinics may have evidence-based practice areas specifically designed to cater to the needs of older adults.

These resources will be particularly optimal for dealing with the unique stress factors that come with age. If your area does not have much access to mental health resources, there is a wealth of digital tools you may consider as well.

Telehealth and remote counseling services allow you to connect with mental health professionals all over the world. This can serve as an excellent way to connect with professionals who specialize in your particular area of concern. While this situation may feel stressful or even hopeless, it’s important to remain calm and optimistic.

Recognize your limitations. You can’t change the way a person feels. You can help them find the support they need.